breathe underwater
Breathe Underwater began as a longing planted in my heart back when my name was “Mommy” and naptime was my only breath of quiet. Even after years of faithful investment in church and ministry, I found myself caught in a cycle of formulas and performance—doing everything I knew to do, yet still drowning in self‑sufficiency. I ached for the love and grace of God to feel real, but my striving kept pulling me under.
Then God interrupted that struggle with an invitation—soft as a whisper, yet somehow unmistakable. In one sacred moment, I knew He saw me. I knew He loved me. I knew I was accepted. One encounter with Him, one sip of His life‑giving grace, and everything in me wanted more.
As that grace began to reshape me, a desire grew: to offer hope and refreshment to others who might be struggling as I was. It felt a little like stumbling upon a cure and wanting to tell the world. Not because I had all the answers, but because I had finally tasted something real—and I longed to share it.
While pondering the wonder of my relief, I realized the magnitude of what I’d missed. Somehow, in all my years of Christian living, I’d overlooked the true gospel of grace and grabbed onto a false narrative, the gospel of works instead. I wondered if perhaps you had missed it too. And thus, the dream was born. One day, I would tell my story and testify of the good grace of God.
What followed wasn’t the writing of a manuscript, a publishing contract, or a book tour but a long and complicated journey of heartache and healing. Unbeknownst to me, my road of discovery had only just begun. The next several years were spent trudging through the valley of the shadow of death while learning to hear Him, believe Him, and follow Him. My world was shattering while my soul was mending. I was losing ground circumstantially while making headway spiritually. All the while, I was capturing my darkest hours and sweetest victories on receipts, napkins, and church bulletins because the dream was still alive. One day, I would tell my story of God’s great and gracious rescue of my heart.
Fifteen years later, here it is; my account of the grace that is available in the suspense-filled moments of our lives; of the love that upholds us in the meantime. Because there is a God who loves sinners, who reveals Himself to outcasts, who provides abundance in times of famine, and who welcomes all who are thirsty to take a taste of His paradigm-shifting, soul-changing love.
My desire is that you would use this book as a tool. Perhaps it will provoke thought and motivate you to investigate the ideas presented. Maybe, it will provide you with a safe place to process your own story. And quite possibly, it could give you a platform to encourage others through a discussion group. Wherever you find yourself and whatever your needs happen to be, I pray you would drink it in deeply, my friends, and draw ever closer to the heart of God.
With Love,
janalee